Oh man, Its been over 3 months since I last saw you. Hi! How are you doing?

Anyway, Back to the title of this post, Imposter Syndrome. Its real guys and, its bad. Not gonna lie I’ve been doing good in life recently. Its been real fun. The hard work is finally paying off. I mean “hard-work” wasn’t that hard now that I look back at it, but, while I was living it, it was nothing short of a nightmare.

Even though I’ve gotten here by doing the right things. I got here on my own. I mean there was help, ofcourse there was, but, I proved myself after I was helped. But it still feels like I don’t belong here. Still feels like I’ll slip up somewhere and everybody will find out how unconfident I am, how much I doubt myself. It feels like I will go back to how I was a few years back and lose everything I’ve worked so hard for. I don’t know if you guys go through it. I don’t think its a phenomenon unique to me, but, it still feels like I’m isolated in this. Feels like I’ve never seen this happen in the people around me.

Im scared, I’m so scared that I’ll just suddenly give up trying and shit will go back to how it was. I hope I dont, but, that’s not in the power of my present self. Shit’s gonna be sad if I fail.

I wasted the past 5 years of my life doing nothing. I don’t want to go back to that. I wake up everyday in a cold sweat, afraid that I fucked up. I’m sure this will go. It has to be a passing emotion. But man does it feel so real right now.